Transform

After reading my blog, my friend John showed me this video. It's perfect! Click on the header "transform".

Ode to Pixel

Dear Pixel,
I hope you like your new home. I know your are stressed, your family is gone, you're in a strange place with a new family. I wish I could snuggle with you and let you know everything is going to be alright, have you lightly bite my chin in your state of bliss. You loved it here, the big open space to prowl around in. Catching birds and flinging mice around like they were your personal live play toys, which I guess they were. You won't be around to tag Baxter in the nose, make him whine, show him whose boss. I'm sorry, we just couldn't take you with us. I'll miss you, I miss you already, I've loved you for 10 years. You are such a lovable kitty, wanting to snuggle, especially happy to curl up on my lap if I'm sitting and reading, my chest if I'm in bed reading. I'll always remember your smile. I'll miss your soft, warm, lithe, body sleeping next to mine. I won't miss your insistence of being fed first thing in the morning. I always thought it was cool that you would come when we called your name; in just the right way with a high note. I love how you find the sun spots and stretch out in them, on your back, and take a nap. You know how to enjoy the simple things. It makes me laugh when I give the dogs their treats, knowing you expected yours as well. I know that you didn't care for fish. We placed you in very good hands, Rich is a great guy and he loves you already. I know his doggie is bigger than Baxter and Lucy. She really wants to play with you, I hope in time you'll want to play with her too. Please forgive us.

The Heavy Weight of Stuff

Busy weekend. I am so exhausted I hope my words make sense. Friday, in order to get ready for the carpet guys Saturday, I moved all the books into the shower by myself. Whew! Seven am Saturday morning Dan and I moved all the miscellaneous junk so the carpet guys could just move furniture and put in the new $3500.00 carpet. They got started around 9:30 and while they were busting that out (until around 4pm) Dan and I worked on the house. Dan painted the outside of the house while I ran the weekly errands. We got a tomato from the CSA so I made us a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich for lunch. I'm so tired I can't even remember what else Dan and I did 2 days ago! I remember Rich came buy and took Pixel our beloved kitty and that we finished for the day and had dinner at 7. Sunday is a different story. I think I will remember that like a woman giving birth remembers labour. It was painful, but the pain is slowly ebbing away as I see how great the house looks. Everything is so sparse, open and clean. I vow to never accumulate so much stuff again! While Dan painted the guest bedrooms and installed 2 ceiling fans, I cleaned the window frames where 8 years of scuzz had grown cozy. I sanded the window sills and stained them and last but not least, I cleaned the windows. Every window in the house got the treatment. We got some old english furniture polish and I went around and hit all the trim. It is amazing how that stuff erases scratches. I saw some furniture and bathroom cabinets that looked really thirsty so I gave those a polish as well. I rearranged the furniture that I could move, brought the things that were unnecessarily crowding up the space into the basement, made lunch, made the beds, and did laundry. When we were good and tired, around 7:30 that night, we took all those books and moved them downstairs. We liked how open the loft looks without them and we didn't want to put them back up because we are taking the bookshelves. We had a great relay going. Dan fished them out of the tub and placed them and the foot of the stairs on the main floor on a table. I took them from there and brought them to the basement and stacked them against the wall. Holy cow, we were in our fat burning zone for about 90 minutes straight. Baxter is outside whining to come in because he does not like the bug zapper and it was going crazy. With every heft of a stack of books to my chin, with every step down the stairs, every lowering the books to the ground, every walk back up the stairs to get another stack, I cursed myself for having so much stuff, notably books! They are 4 deep down there! I want a Kindle, I could have all those books in there, and it would be a lot easier to move around! Today we are finishing up. Our realtor just left, leaving a lock box and for sale sign in her wake and taking a plant with her. Dan installed a new screen door, did yard work and is now caulking. I am off to make lunch after having done some yard work. I'm going to use a lot of CSA veggies for a stir fry; Spinach, kholorabi, zucchinni, carrots, and eggplant. I'll roast up the beets for a maple, pecan, goast cheese salad later in the week and get dinner prepped so Dan can caulk around the sink. Dinner? Julia Child's zuchinni gratin. Zuchinni and onion sauteed, turned into some white gravy with gruyere cheese, topped with bread crumbs and baked until bubbly. We'll have it on country bread toasts with a glass of wine. Oh, my lazy-girl is calling...

It's 3:47am

I shot straight out of a deep sleep. Wide awake now, I lay there with yesterdays remnant's wispy in my mind. I really need to start meditating again. Meditating clears the cobwebs and I end up with a calm, open mind. Since I started smoking again, yoga went by the way side. New quit date though, September 17th, they day I have mouth surgery. As I lay there in the dark, I hear Dan's voice echo "but what if we don't go in November". He said that to me yesterday. I have decided that we are leaving in November. I have decided that the house will be fixed up so nice that no one can resist. I hope that the first people who walk into the door fall in love and buy it. The estate sale is very profitable, we close when October closes, the doctor is ready for us to come work (or not), the dogs are ready and off we go. The thought of staying here really depresses me. I have rung all that I can from here. If I stay here, there will be no more growth, no more inspiration, just long lanes and empty highways of the same old thing. Then work crept into my mind like a slow infectious disease and it was over, no sleep for me! I thought I was being stealthy getting my robe and closing the bedroom door but Dan was awake anyway. "What's up honey?" he says in a soft, loving voice. "Nothing". "Are you ok?" Holding back tears I say I am fine. "What are you doing?" I say I'm going to go downstairs, sit out in the early morning air, and have a smoke. He's up anyway, he stands and gives me a hug and we go down together. Aside from work, his week has been busy trying to find a new bank. When we go for our research trip, we can open an account and have the money from the closing of the house transferred there. He's spent a lot of time on the phone finding an insurance company that covers Hawaii, comparing rental insurance, home owners insurance, insurance for the jeep and a motorcycle. It's a beautiful night, clear and cool, the quite is profound. He says he can't sleep because of his ill fitting pillows. I tell him my ails. I feel much better now. I'm am so grateful that I married a man who not only cares about how I feel, who not only listens, I mean really listens, but bolsters me, helps me find answers.

Yesterday we got our CSA delivery: corn, large and small beets, collards, chard, tomato, eggplant, romaine, tiny, fat carrots, loads of radishes, cilantro, parsley, beans, zucchini, kohlrabi, spinach, red leaf lettuce, one of Dan's favorites; young onions and our beautiful cut flowers. They are so lovely, I posted a picture of them.

Since we have a leisurely morning I think I'll make the leftover poached egg with cheese sauce over toast that I made this weekend, courtesy of Julia Child and stop by Starbucks for some extra strength caffeine. I hear Iz coming from Dan's computer...

My Aching back!

Whew! Feeling my age today! I spent 3 hours talking pictures down and individually wrapping each one in newspaper before packing them into a blanket lined moving box. It was nice, the windows were open so a cool breeze flitted through the sun dappled room. As I was carefully packing our memories, Bob Weir was singing about what a long strange trip it's been and I was reminiscing backwards! I felt like I was already in Hawaii, unpacking the pictures. I can only take that as a good sign. In between loads of laundry I got them all packed while Dan was working on the trim up the stairs and running to the hardware store. We got some collards from the CSA so I mixed them with some boiled potatoes, shallots and bacon for lunch. I thought I was done for the day when Dan asked me to help him paint the upstairs hallway. Ugh! Looks great now. Nobody is going to be able to resist this little piece of heaven! It's going on the market in 7 days, wish us luck! Speckles (Dan's face in covered in little yellow paint spots)just came in after assembling a ceiling fan, lightly kissed my neck and cheek and said I'm done for today, I'm going to take a shower. I having already taken one, am catching up on my blog. We are waiting for the delivery guy to drop off some Kung Pao Chicken and fried wantons for Dan and Pineapple-shrimp fried rice for me. Think we'll open a bottle of wine even though it's a school night!

Beautiful

I'm wide awake, ready to go. I lay there fighting, resisting waking up. I know, by the light, that I don't even get up this early for work. My eyes crackle open, they are dry and immediately want to close again. It's 5:48am! I close them again, Dan and I innertwine arms, snuggle into the comfort of half awake, in your most favorite bed ever, on your day off. Seconds tick by like minutes and I crack my eyes open again, I see Dan softly, gently sleeping. My first thought is beautiful.

Deb is coming over today for lunch with Trav. I am making a spinach souffle with the spinach from our CSA (http://grantfarms.com/home.php) a salad and cherry clafoutis with some rose that Dan picked up. A cherry calfoutis? Cherries (with the pits still in because they add flavor) sauteed in butter, sugar, lemon zest and almond extract and poured into a cassarole. Make a batter and add whipped egg whites to it, top the cherries and bake, delicious! Deb is staying here while we do our "research" trip in a few weeks. So, we have to show her where the dog food is.

Before that, we are going to Castle Rock and having breakfast. Coffee from Crowfoot and a pastry from Dream Pastries. The picture is their crossioant with ham and swiss but I think I am going to have one of their big, crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside, rolls with butter and jelly. We'll head over to Tony's for some chicken and finish off shopping at Vitaman Cottage.

Tomorrow: painting, cleanng and packing. The finish line is in site, 10 more days until we list the house.

So Exciting!

Since Dan and I have made the decision to move to Hawaii, and things are solidifying, my heart has been uplifted. I just can't be in a bad mood, things don't get me down. I am joyous, I have energy, I want to do things. You need something? Right on! How can I help? I'll have a challenging (read frustrating) day at work but it just doesn't matter anymore. I don't care about the 8am roll call that completely demeans us as professionals, I don't care that I've given this company everything I have and it is still not good enough, I don't care that my manager doesn't work with me to obtain goals, I don't care that he forgets about my goals when he has an opportunity to fulfill them, I don't care about next year's review, I don't care about the mediocrity that is nourished here, I just don't care. I care about doing a good job but that's my own personal work ethic. I don't believe other people should suffer because I am not happy. Plus, I'm trying to enjoy every last moment I have here. Making the decision to leave my job is like taking off an old, worn out, threadbare coat that gives the illusion of protection. The soul crushing routine of daily being treated like a number is over. No more spinning around in the rat race. It just isn't working anymore and it is really making Dan miserable. He is under so much pressure and is so under appreciated it makes me sad to he his spirit, so vibrant and alive, slowly crushed every day that we spend here. It is time to live for life, not work, not possessions. We will miss our co workers and the great conversations we have in edit. The life long relationships we've been fortunate to create (yup, we did create some great things here) are a treasure and we will celebrate our friendship with them in Hawaii when they come to visit! Yea baby!