Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Good Talkin To

5:30am, just enough light, I’ll go for a walk. Trouble is getting the dogs out without rousing Dan and our neighbors. Baxter gets pretty vocal when he knows he is going for a walk, he even knows exactly where we turn to get there. His excited yelps bounce around the jeep, piercing my head and getting louder as we near our destination. He knows when I put on certain clothes that a fun time is in the near future. He starts getting crazy, barking, telling me to hurry up. Pretty soon Lucy joins in. This morning I try a different tactic. 

I get up and fumble to the front door letting them out to relieve themselves. Then I stealthily and quickly get dressed and grab their collars and leashes and out the door I went. He didn’t have time to realize what was going on, a big yawn escapes him as I walk to the jeep. Inside the jeep he is calm and quiet. As we near the “dog park” he starts to tremble and once I park he can’t contain himself. Collars on, I open the jeep door and he shoots out like a rocket.
There is a double rainbow arching in front of Mount Wai’ale’ale and a light mist starts to fall. I feel like I’m living in technicolor, the lush hillsides are over saturated in shades of green. Alone with my thoughts I notice I am doing exactly the opposite of why we came here. I have been driving myself crazy trying to recapture the financial security we had in Colorado. So, every thing is fear based. This brings out the worst in me. I become insecure, defensive, negative. I remind myself that we came here to start over, to get out of the rut we were stuck in. To be inspired, learn, grow, make connections. When I live in fear, I am just recreating what I left behind. Armed with a fresh perspective, I head home and start my day, grateful for what I have. A loving and supportive husband, great dogs, a roof over my head, jobs, full bellies, health, my folks are coming for a visit, new friends and new opportunities! Oh, and paradise!!