Friends and Family

We got up early today because we heard an ad on TV for the Go car dealership. They are buying cars, at 120% of blue book! So we took it in and finally sold it. This economy blows, we didn't get much. I figure if we can make it in this economy, we can make it anytime! We got to my folks late, we had a chatty sales guy. He was nice though. Mom, good ol' mom, had the table decked out. She knows all of our favorites and the table is laden with them. Pica, Pica. In Spanish you pick this and that to eat. She had a beautifully ironed tablecloth laid out with wine glasses. A meat plate Serrano, Salami, ham, turkey, a pork tenderloin she roasted her self and lovingly sliced into perfect medallions. Olives from Spain (Dan's favorite), cheeses, white asparagus, Pan tomaquete (a baguette rubbed with ripe tomato, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with salt), avocado dip, chips. It was lovely and love embodied it. My mom loves with food (among many other ways). We had a great discussion about our moving, they aren't that thrilled about it. After pica, pica Dan went to help dad with his iTunes and mom and I kicked back and talked. After many I love yous, we left. We had to get to John Freeman's surprise birthday party. Him and his twin were about an hour late, and we hung out with Tamara and Vindrea until they came. Once the word was out, they were coming, the room hushed. We all waited for them to come in and yelled surprise! John was surprised, but took it well. Slightly turning red, he came around to everyone and said hello. Such a good guy (we call him by his super hero name Rely Guy). So kind, generous, helpful. I got to meet his family, spent some time with grandma, they are all very nice. Gail, Jonathan, Dan and I headed over to the brothers Leirer gig after getting a beer and a bite to eat. The pictures are from the show. I am going to bed tonight feeling love and gratitude for my friends and family, I will miss them more than I thought!


Bill Leirer on Vocals


Scott Waknin on bass


Chris Leirer on drums


Bill and Gail


Lovely Bill!

Don't Ask Me For Advice!

We are free falling. It feels so good. In my minds eye I am throwing off a heavy coat as I jump off a cliff, arms spread wide, a huge grin on my face. Not knowing what is going to happen is turning out to be more fun than I thought. I believe with every fiber of my being that everything is going to be ok. In fact, it's going to be better than ok, I can't even imagine how good it's going to be, but good it's going to be! So, I'm kinda reckless when it comes to things that don't feel good. If it doesn't feel good I'm not going there. It reminds me of an old mantra I once had IIAFFI! If it ain't fun fuck it! Unfortunately, for a co worker who is not in the same state of bliss as I, I feel I have gotten careless. I'll call my producer Sheaneanea and her lover Zeus. We were in session and Sheaneanea was talking to me about a lover, a friend, a treasured companion who she loves very much. She maybe even feels like Zeus is too good for her and she will never find another. The problem is Zeus is afraid of getting hurt. As is Sheaneanea, but she is willing to plunge in and go for it. They have been dating for a year and Zeus has had this problem before. It just rubbed me the wrong way. I said call him on it! Say ok, I understand how you feel, I don't really want to get hurt again either, but I love you and I want to take the risk. If you don't want to move forward in unbridled love, I understand, I'll leave you alone. Done! Next! I'm thinking, life is short who has time for that? After spending a year proving yourself as a kind, loving, gentle, human being, who wants to hear that?! I think Sheaneanea wanted an ear, for me to listen. I know she didn't want to hear that! I understand, I've been there. Once, after complaining to a friend she said Marta, leap and the net will appear. I thought are you crazy? Things must be planned, I must know what is coming next, no way! But now, I totally get it, and it feels so good, so freeing, so exciting! I wonder if this is going to be a permanent way of life. Full on Hawaiian style. Go with the flow, see what life brings me. I know it will be good, I know there will be tough times. When the tough times come, I will look for the lessons, take the time to feel the sadness. Trust me, I haven't had a sheltered life. I've had my share of downs, frankly, I'm lucky to be alive. But I know everything is going to be ok, and when it's my time, well, time is up! Onto the next adventure. I choose to focus on the positive, on what feels good and spend very little time on what feels bad, I've spent a lot of time on that already! It reminds me of the movie Life Is Beautiful. It's hard for me to imagine a worse life. His family gets taken to a concentration camp, he's there with his son. But it's a feel good film because he makes the best of the situation. Because you are the only person who can make you feel bad, who can give your soul away, who can be suppressed by another or a circumstance. I know it's a movie, I know it's fake. There are real life archetypes like Elie Wiesel for example. So, don't ask me for advice, you're not gonna like how I react, I'll tell you to take the road less traveled, take the risk, it's worth it and so are you.

Another Early Morning

4:44am. Everyone is dead asleep except me. Dan is all snuggled up in the down comforter, Baxter and Lucy, along my right side, take up half the bed. I sit up and Dan rolls over and looks at me, looks at the clock and rolls back over to sleep. I get out of bed, get my things and pad downstairs. It snowed a lot over night, looks like 4 inches or so. I will not miss the snow.

Brian added some color to the logos so I'll put them up again. I like #2 now.



This week started out kinda rough. The anxiety of selling the house and quitting our jobs really affected me physically, plus, I was beginning to wonder if we were crazy. I was still sick Tuesday morning but I didn't want to call in and have my co workers think I was slacking because I was a short timer. Rich thought I should go home anyway but as the day wore on I started feeling better. By the end of yesterday I was literally buzzing with excitement. The Kauai vibe is getting stronger and its a lot of fun riding it! As of last night I felt like it couldn't be any other way. People keep saying what we are doing takes a lot of courage, and, I agreed Tuesday but now it just feels right. Not extraordinary, not courageous, just right. Some people are right along with us, getting wrapped up in the excitement of it all and then it just increases.

The editors are jostling for our shifts. They make comments like "I told management I want off my shift". Some have been there a long time, over 10 years, working split shifts or weekends. The assistant editors and Seth our excellent tape op are hoping something happens for them. It's fun knowing that by our leaving, some people will get what they want. New blood will flow through those hardened arteries! Or not. Our director came to my edit bay yesterday. He told me it was bittersweet for him. He'll miss me and my "extensive knowledge" but moving to Kauai, wow! He said he'd counter offer if he thought he could compete with paradise. There was a pregnant pause and I said yea, you can't compete with paradise! It seems we are appreciated!

We are starting to sell some of our stuff. The tower computers are gone, Bryan wants to buy my Cerwin Vega speakers and our Dennon 7 disk CD changer. I found a lady on Craigslist who wants to buy our temperpedic pillows, Dan found someone who wants to buy ALL of our CD's, DVD's and books, there must be 4000 in all! Vendria, that cute little mother to be, is buying my office chair. Kelly, the new marketing producer, may buy our book shelves. My brother not only offered storage room but is going to come by and see if him and his wife want to buy anything. Porter is interested in our big screen. The car still hasn't sold yet. Dan has been talking about web design, he knows someone who does it and is turning away work. He told Dan if he can get up to speed, he'll give him some work. It's all coming together like Dyanne said!

Hawaiian Dreamin

Feeling much better this morning, I think I'm about half way there. At 5:30, my eyes popped open and I started thinking about packing up the china cabinet and the platters and stuff above the fireplace. I tried to stay in bed, it was warm. A California king with a fluffy, down comforter. I'm gonna miss that bed! Lucy was snoring away right next to me and Baxter was on the floor. Then I started thinking about how to sell all of this stuff. Flyers? An ad on Face Book? I don't want to put in ad in the paper cuz the only person I know who reads them is my dad. I could put a flyer on the mailboxes. When is a good time to sell the bed? I want to sleep on it as long as I can but I also want to sell it. I noticed my breathing was heavier, thinking about packing all that stuff and wondering if we were going to have space for it in our new place, so I got up and took a shower. The hot water felt soothing running down my weak body, almost invigorating. I think I blew my wad though because now I feel tired and weak again, pressure enveloping my head and my throat feels swollen. I guess I'll spend another day on the couch napping and watching my shows. I got a pie pumpkin from the CSA this week so I'm going to make a pumpkin pie with it. Tofu and veggies for breakfast, a brie panini with apple salsa for lunch and roasted acorn squash with a corn custard baked into the middle for dinner. That's all I have planned for today.

I was feeling so yucky Friday and yesterday that I couldn't really appreciate all of the support we got. Most everyone at work was of course surprised (they probably thought we were gong to die there!) but once that wore off, they were really happy for us. Dan and I posted on Face Book and we got loads of supportive comments. Several friends called (even ol' Smally) to get the details and offer support. Dara, your words really meant a lot. I felt fortified after our conversation and glad to have you as a friend. You really get the reason and motive behind all of this.

We are in the garage, having a morning smoke, watching the sunrise and on our laptops. Dan is checking out what is going on this morning in Kauai and saw this picture.





Those are some huge mushrooms! Things sure do grow down there! I'm hoping we find a place where I can plant some things. Our realtor set us up with a realtor in Kauai (she checked them out real good) and they are going to find us a rental when we get closer to moving out there.

He also found this.



That just makes me happy! Brian designed some logos for me and I'm having a hard time picking one. Maybe the handful of you guys who read this can help me, I like them all! Post a comment as to your favorite. I'm thinking I want some color in it regardless, but maybe he'll get to that once I pick one. Thank you Brian! They are all fantastic!

Feeling Sick

Hope I don't have the swine flu!

The End of an Era

When I got up this morning there was a song by the Smashing Pumpkins going through my mind "Today is the greatest day I've ever known'. I was giddy, thinking today is the day I get to quit my job. Dan and I anxiously waited for my boss to come in (his was already here) but he was sick. So, I told my other boss. We basically whipped out our resignation letter and waited for them to read it. At first they were stunned. They asked us what we were going to do and we said move to Kauai. Do you have a job? A place to stay? Dan says no, were going to look for open doors. They were really happy for us, gave us hugs and everything! Right now, I am exhausted. The energy expended today on talking about it leaves me longing for a nap. Dyanne suggested celebrating at lunch and some warm sake later, I have laid off my spots and finished for the day. It's only 3:00 and I am pooped! In a great way though!

It's closing time!

We are standing in front of the title company, smoking the last 10 minutes away. Curiously, we are not as anxious as we were Tuesday. Dan is checking the weather in Kauai on his iPhone (upper 80's all week) and setting favorites across Kauai. Hanalei, Kapaa, Poipu, Koloa, Hanapepe, and Waimea. Looks like it's warmer on the north shore this week. Time to do this thing...




Dan signing papers, the title lady, our realtor Karen and the buyer's realtor David.

The whole process took 35 minutes. Turns out David used to live on the Big Island, so about a third of the time he was giving us helpful tips.

How do we feel? Dan: mixed, relived that the process is over, scared "Holy cow! This is happening" but happy because this is happening! Me? Even though my palms are sweaty and my stomach is churning, I'm kinda flatlining. I am very surly supressing. I am really looking forward to going and it was great that David talked about it so extensively (did you know if you work over 20 hours a week for a company in Hawaii, you get health insurance?) it reminded me of why we are going. But it's still a ways off. As of now, we are renters. Signed the lease for $1.00 and we will leave her one of the lazy boys, the grill, extention ladder, dining set and a lamp. We get to stay until January 10th, 2010.


Tomorrow morning we turn in our resignations!