Thursday, August 20, 2009

It's 3:47am

I shot straight out of a deep sleep. Wide awake now, I lay there with yesterdays remnant's wispy in my mind. I really need to start meditating again. Meditating clears the cobwebs and I end up with a calm, open mind. Since I started smoking again, yoga went by the way side. New quit date though, September 17th, they day I have mouth surgery. As I lay there in the dark, I hear Dan's voice echo "but what if we don't go in November". He said that to me yesterday. I have decided that we are leaving in November. I have decided that the house will be fixed up so nice that no one can resist. I hope that the first people who walk into the door fall in love and buy it. The estate sale is very profitable, we close when October closes, the doctor is ready for us to come work (or not), the dogs are ready and off we go. The thought of staying here really depresses me. I have rung all that I can from here. If I stay here, there will be no more growth, no more inspiration, just long lanes and empty highways of the same old thing. Then work crept into my mind like a slow infectious disease and it was over, no sleep for me! I thought I was being stealthy getting my robe and closing the bedroom door but Dan was awake anyway. "What's up honey?" he says in a soft, loving voice. "Nothing". "Are you ok?" Holding back tears I say I am fine. "What are you doing?" I say I'm going to go downstairs, sit out in the early morning air, and have a smoke. He's up anyway, he stands and gives me a hug and we go down together. Aside from work, his week has been busy trying to find a new bank. When we go for our research trip, we can open an account and have the money from the closing of the house transferred there. He's spent a lot of time on the phone finding an insurance company that covers Hawaii, comparing rental insurance, home owners insurance, insurance for the jeep and a motorcycle. It's a beautiful night, clear and cool, the quite is profound. He says he can't sleep because of his ill fitting pillows. I tell him my ails. I feel much better now. I'm am so grateful that I married a man who not only cares about how I feel, who not only listens, I mean really listens, but bolsters me, helps me find answers.

Yesterday we got our CSA delivery: corn, large and small beets, collards, chard, tomato, eggplant, romaine, tiny, fat carrots, loads of radishes, cilantro, parsley, beans, zucchini, kohlrabi, spinach, red leaf lettuce, one of Dan's favorites; young onions and our beautiful cut flowers. They are so lovely, I posted a picture of them.

Since we have a leisurely morning I think I'll make the leftover poached egg with cheese sauce over toast that I made this weekend, courtesy of Julia Child and stop by Starbucks for some extra strength caffeine. I hear Iz coming from Dan's computer...