Monday, March 21, 2011


“OUCH! Dammit Baxter!” I’m jerked out of a deep sleep as Dan trips over Baxter in the pitch black of 4 a.m. He was on my side of the bed and when Dan got up to go to the bathroom, he’d settled on the floor at the foot of Dan’s side. 
My mind seizes the negative thoughts lurking on the fringes of my half conscious brain. I start to feel despair. An illuminating thought pierces the black hole in my chest, cradled around my heart. Cracking open a sliver of hope, I can remember why we came here. For the adventure, for the unknown.
We took a chance on life, on ourselves. I can stay penned up in the treehouse, all sad and heavy, or I can honor our decision. The thought of being miserable in Kauai strikes me as ridiculous. I take a deep breath and feel myself relax as I surrendered to my higher self, my spirit. I will keep on keeping on and let life work out the details. 
Playing with Baxter and Lucy, singing them silly love songs, I share my morning state of mind with Dan. He feels the hope and is happy for it, he has been deeply concerned all week. I have several new avenues I can try.
First, I need to get out of the house and into nature. Nature restores me, it always has. Thanks to my father, who would take me on hikes and cross-country skiing, I learned to appreciate and crave it’s healing power. I make a vow to get out every morning this week. Today, I’ll walk the dogs at the dog park.
I have a restaurant review due, so I will finish that. I have a blog post for the travel agency that needs to be reworked and resubmitted—the one on the triathlon. I have a blog post due for, that one will be on Kona coffee focusing on the sustainable methods of shade growing and hand picking. 
I will call the web video guys back and see of the need an editor for hire and a writer for free. Then I’ll set up an interview with a local bee keeper for my next post. At 2:30 we are going to interview and sample food for the review that is due next week. 
I am going to post something everyday this week. I realize my last post was pretty scary. I’m ok with that. Sometimes life is scary and I think it’s necessary to look at all the parts, including the uncomfortable, scary parts. I want to share my climb out of the hole. Partly for the investigation of it, but mostly so my folks don’t worry. It’s easy to think that life in paradise, or living your dream is all “butterflies and rainbows” as the band Maroon 5 sings. I’m here to say it isn’t, and that’s ok—it’s just life. We have the choice of how we live it.