Friday, October 23, 2009
We are free falling. It feels so good. In my minds eye I am throwing off a heavy coat as I jump off a cliff, arms spread wide, a huge grin on my face. Not knowing what is going to happen is turning out to be more fun than I thought. I believe with every fiber of my being that everything is going to be ok. In fact, it's going to be better than ok, I can't even imagine how good it's going to be, but good it's going to be! So, I'm kinda reckless when it comes to things that don't feel good. If it doesn't feel good I'm not going there. It reminds me of an old mantra I once had IIAFFI! If it ain't fun fuck it! Unfortunately, for a co worker who is not in the same state of bliss as I, I feel I have gotten careless. I'll call my producer Sheaneanea and her lover Zeus. We were in session and Sheaneanea was talking to me about a lover, a friend, a treasured companion who she loves very much. She maybe even feels like Zeus is too good for her and she will never find another. The problem is Zeus is afraid of getting hurt. As is Sheaneanea, but she is willing to plunge in and go for it. They have been dating for a year and Zeus has had this problem before. It just rubbed me the wrong way. I said call him on it! Say ok, I understand how you feel, I don't really want to get hurt again either, but I love you and I want to take the risk. If you don't want to move forward in unbridled love, I understand, I'll leave you alone. Done! Next! I'm thinking, life is short who has time for that? After spending a year proving yourself as a kind, loving, gentle, human being, who wants to hear that?! I think Sheaneanea wanted an ear, for me to listen. I know she didn't want to hear that! I understand, I've been there. Once, after complaining to a friend she said Marta, leap and the net will appear. I thought are you crazy? Things must be planned, I must know what is coming next, no way! But now, I totally get it, and it feels so good, so freeing, so exciting! I wonder if this is going to be a permanent way of life. Full on Hawaiian style. Go with the flow, see what life brings me. I know it will be good, I know there will be tough times. When the tough times come, I will look for the lessons, take the time to feel the sadness. Trust me, I haven't had a sheltered life. I've had my share of downs, frankly, I'm lucky to be alive. But I know everything is going to be ok, and when it's my time, well, time is up! Onto the next adventure. I choose to focus on the positive, on what feels good and spend very little time on what feels bad, I've spent a lot of time on that already! It reminds me of the movie Life Is Beautiful. It's hard for me to imagine a worse life. His family gets taken to a concentration camp, he's there with his son. But it's a feel good film because he makes the best of the situation. Because you are the only person who can make you feel bad, who can give your soul away, who can be suppressed by another or a circumstance. I know it's a movie, I know it's fake. There are real life archetypes like Elie Wiesel for example. So, don't ask me for advice, you're not gonna like how I react, I'll tell you to take the road less traveled, take the risk, it's worth it and so are you.