Sunday, March 20, 2011

School Days Post Script

Based on a dear friend's concern, I thought I’d add a post script to my previous post. Often times I feel hollow writing posts that focus on everything great. Because in reality, even though some remarkable things are happening for us, chasing your dream is sticky business. Instead of only posting the good stuff, I wanted to include the sticky bits as well.
I am an honest person, so I wrote honestly. I don’t know how to sugar coat things although I am getting better at it. I feel like it’s necessary when dealing with people you don’t know. After all, who wants to hear dreary thoughts upon a first meeting? People, including me, want to be around upbeat people. People who are happy in their life, moving forward, striving to be the best mother, father, waiter, chef, scientist, yogi they can. So, even though small talk can be hard for me, sometimes you have to sugar coat things.
I am going though a tough time right now, it’s true. As my dear friend reminded me—a man who has held a full time job, taken loving care of his wife who had a near fatal accident, started a photography career on the side and put extra hours in at his full time job resulting in a management position—”keep moving forward.” It takes hard work, a lot of unpaid work, but eventually when you have given up “The phone will ring and it’s God offering you an opportunity.”
Even though this doesn’t feel good at the moment, I know it will pass. I know I will move forward—the consequences of not doing so are not places I want to go—I will learn from this, get stronger. A couple of years ago, my dear friend turned me onto author Seth Godin. Today I was reading an excerpt from his new book Poke the Box
He talks about taking risk, putting yourself out there, getting embarrassed, failing and trying again, failing again, trying again. The point is to DO something that moves you toward your goals. That failing is necessary because you learn along the way and at some point you expect to fail and it doesn’t bother you anymore, you just keep trying and eventually, it will all pay off. I know this, I have experienced it in my early 20s when I started my video career.
I think the reasons for my current tail spin are an expectation of money sooner than later. Also, since we got here I have been putting a lot of energy into “promoting” myself. I have been constantly putting myself out there, following any idea or suggestion that feels right and not seeing any income from it.There have been so many efforts with no financial gain that I can’t even name them all. I just do my best, put it out there and forget about it. Believing that if it comes back, then I’ll follow that thread to wherever it goes. 
This is part of the journey, I know. Please don’t be scared for me (mom and dad) I’m not going to do anything crazy like kill myself or become addicted to drugs. This is part of life, it’s peaks AND valleys. It’s about the journey. I just need to rest, be easy in my life. Be grateful because like my dear friend said, all of our bills are being paid. Plus, I have a wonderfully supportive husband, parents and friends. It’s just growing pains, which is what I wanted.
As an aside, I printed out the college application and learned that for summer it’s $248 a credit hour! In the Spring and Fall, it goes down to $97. So, I’ll be waiting until then. Who knows what can happen by that time!
I’m good. I have the strength of Dan’s love, family and friends to bolster me through this time and I will come out of it! I’m a fighter baby!