Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Process of Processing

For three days in a row it’s been cloudy and rainy. It warms up a bit late morning and early afternoon and then cools down again. Dan and I are grateful for the cooler temperatures but we (especially Dan) don’t care for him having to drive his moped in the rain. We are going to need a cheap island car soon.
I am happy to say that I am learning the art of processing my emotions. Sunday I was agitated, fear taunting around the edges. I ignored the fear; it was a small feeling, just a whisper. I thought I was agitated because I was getting worn out. We had a relaxing day, I read about writing and writers; Dan played his video game. 
Yesterday, the fear made itself known. By feeling and focusing during my morning yoga, I was able to see what was scaring me. Having the discussion with Dan gave me hope and writing the blog put it out in the open and pretty much purged it. I am always conflicted as to whether or not to post things like that. So negative, a downer. But, I want to keep it real and even in paradise things are scary. Maybe more so because it's so isolated. I'm glad I did! Crystal left a hopeful comment on my facebook page regarding my post with a link to an article. It's about a young couple who sold or donated all of their stuff, moved into a 400SF apartment with the goal of being debt free and living with 100 items. That means 1 fork is 1 item! They are happy with no debt and less stuff, a sign of our times the article says. That boosted me; reminding me of why we did what we did. To live simpler lives, with less stuff and no debt. There was a link to her blog called Rowdy Kittens. She's kind of doing what we are doing so, I am following her blog. On her blog I found another blog called 99% for creative professionals. Their tag line is "It's not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen". Very cool! Following that blog also! My senses heightened I click on another link and it takes me to The Art of Non Conformity, a website and blog for people who want unconventional jobs, jobs that have meaning. It also includes spirituality and travel and focuses on writers. Needless to say I am following that too. Last night when I went to bed I felt creative - something that had been eluding me for a week - and I had more energy.
This morning I noticed a new space opening up inside myself. I honestly feel that by processing my emotions, feeling them, accepting them and letting them go, it opens up space for me to fly higher. Normally, I would have just ignored it, stuffed it down deep into my back, making me clench my jaws a little more until so much fear and anger were stuffed that my neck, back, arms, shoulder and face hurt like crazy and demanded attention. Another small step for Marta kine!