Reinvigorateted!

With all the stress of moving and everything that goes with it, plus the cold, depressing weather moving in, my Kauaiian aloha spirit was waning. I was searching ITunes for Hawaii and came across a couple who does podcasts from Kauai. Or did, the last one was in 07. They hang out in Hanalei Bay, play guitar and ukulele and video tape the sunsets and happenings. The one I watched had a baby whale playing in the water while her soft, lilting, easy voice described what was going on - including closing the beach early yesterday because of a shark - with him playing Hawaiian music. I am so glad I found that and watched it. My passion has been re stoked! I also found a podcast on leaning to speak Hawaiian so we'll be listening to that on the way to work. There were quite a few podcasts, one that discusses the happenings in Hawaii, a surfing one, more language ones. I just love ITunes!

Hanalei Sunsets

It's cloudy, cold and windy outside. I'm on the couch in my comfy sweats, Baxter is quietly sleeping beside me and Lucy is softly snoring on the other side of him. The dryer is tumbling our clothes leaving behind a warmth and smell that is calming. I have some mellow music on XM and am going back to reading. Dyanne gave me a book the other day called Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting. When we told her we were moving to Kauai, that book popped in her head and she said we had to read it. So far so good! Oh, laundry is done...

Goodbye Beloved Trail

Leaving Colorado is in our sights and I am reminded of the things that I will probably never do again. This morning I walked the dogs. I have walked this 4 mile loop of the Cherry Creek bike path hundreds of times in the last 8 years. The dogs know it well. This is the last walk I will be able to enjoy the colors of fall. There is yet time for sunrises and big sky.

My IPhone can't quite capture the way the golden light plays off the trees or Baxter's brown velvet coat. I am reminded of a time I walked the dogs in the fall. It was a classic beautiful Colorado fall day. Baby blue sky, a coolness to the air; crisp yet warmed but the sun. Passing by a clump of golden cottonwoods a breeze came and blew the leaves off the trees. Their golden faces reflecting the sunlight and making everything sparkle. I was struck by the beauty and had to stop and watch. I found myself raising my arms to the sky, tilting my face up as well; feeling the warmth of the sun and twirling with my eyes closed! It was fantastic!

I go out the gate that Dan put into the back split rail fence.

Walk down the well worn path that Dan keeps mowed for me.

Pass the iron bridge that goes over Cherry Creek.

I have met many people on this path.

The nice lady whose walking stick has indian totems running its length. The older lady who stopped me on the trail, sung me a poem about Jesus she wrote and gave me the paper she had written it on. The overweight grumpy couple who rode their bikes and got tweaked because the dogs were off leash. The older guy who reminds me of Steve Small walking his 2 dogs that bully mine. Tom and his golden Chloe, we always stop and chat for 10 or 15 minutes while Baxter runs around barking at me to move on. The old guy, who had diabetes and rode on his roller blades every day to keep it at bay. This is ranch country and we walk on a working ranch. One spring day while Dan was walking the dogs, a mother cow walked up behind him and shoved him in the back with her nose, protecting her calf I guess. The "doinking" deer, who, alone at sunrise would bounce around radiating joy because he was alive. The rattlesnakes. One morning, we were walking the dogs and the sun was coming up, lighting up everything. We looked across and there were hundreds of spider webs forming a lacy patchwork throughout the cattails. This morning as I was rounding my favorite bend, lined with trees and wild flowers I saw 2 deer loping out of the brush and a coyote lumbering after them. All the dogs, animals and people enrich our walks.

Baxter and Lucy love getting into the creek. They drink greedily on hot days (their shots are current) Lucy slowly walking and drinking letting the current guide her. Baxter running as fast as he can up and down the creek bed, splashing and generally having a great time. One time, the creek was really full from a lot of rain. Lucy was hot and thirsty and went down in a place that was unusual for her. She got caught up in the current and started to float down stream. I thought I was going to have to go in but I walked along beside her until she came upon a bank and got out. We get home, I rinse them off and give them a towel dry which for some reason, they both love!

Lucy loves the towel dry, she hates getting her picture taken!

So many times I have walked this trail. In joy, sorrow, love, anger, through tears, running it to burn some calories, listening to the birdsong, the rustle of the leaves, the hum of insects. Rain and hail pouring down (Dan came and rescued me with an umbrella), impossible wind, sun relentlessly pounding down. Snowshoeing when we got dumped on, Lucy walking in my tracks, Baxter sinking to his chest trying to make his own. I have felt deep gratitude for this trail and will always be grateful for its presence and the gifts it has brought me.

He's in Foreclosure

It's a full moon tonight. Dan and I had a nice day. We went to see The Invention of Lying, pretty good movie, original concept. Then we had lunch at India Kitchen, a new Indian resturant in Parker where the old Italian Villa used to be. We had the lunch buffet and it was really good, especially the naan! We definately want to go back for dinner. We are waiting for Monday. Monday is the deadline when the inspection, appraisal and all the paper work have to be done in order to close on the 15th. Word is, so far so good. Then we have to figure out how to get a lease/contract for the remainder of our time here. They won't let us talk to the buyer so it's gonna be trickey. We picked the day for our going away party, Saturday December 12th. It's early but basically our only option. Work's Christmas party is the 4th, we are going to have our big sale the 19th, then Christmas and New Years and on January 9th we'll have a birthday party for mom and dads 80th. Then we go! Our neighbour came by because our Netflix movie showed up in her mailbox. She said the neighbour next to us must be in forclousure because there have been moving trucks and no for sale sign. He had one up a couple years ago, if that's the case I am really glad our house is under contract and moving forward nicely! The car is still waiting for the right person to buy. Our realtors friend, who has a place in the mountains that needs to be furnished, came by. She is considering buying a lot of stuff including the weight machine. She took pictures of everything she is interested in and left to discuss it with her husband. It's all coming together! We are getting really excited!

Relaxing Night

I'm sitting on the deck, having one of the two smokes I'm allowing myself every day, drinking my Martini and Rossi Spanish style, and enjoying the evening. Dan is happy because I hooked him up with a Scrabble partner that is actually competition for him! Her name is Luchia and she is a buddy from high school. I got tried of her beating me so I figured they deserved eachother cuz he keeps beating me too, although this game I am beating him. The bean soup I made this weekend is warming up and Dan just put away the CSA veggies while I fed the dogs and did the dishes. I have 3 watermelons, a bunch of peaches and pears, green chilis, tomatoes, eggplant, yellow beans, carrots, zucchini, cukecumber, radishes, 6 ears of corn, and baby lettuce. Since we started this in May, I've lost 6 pounds! We got monsters vs. ailens in the DVD player and our comfies on. Looks like it's going to be a relaxing night!

For Deb

I love you because you are
Thoughtful
Kind
Generous
Smart
Funny
A survivor
Adventourous
Supportive
Curious
A good listener
Caring
You're creative with ideas
A dreamer
You have raised 3 productive, smart, kind, creative members of society
Bold
You try to better yourself
Interested
Interesting
A hard worker
Ethical
Honest
Trustworthy
Open to different opinions
Receptive
Proud (in a good way)
Frugal
Questioning
A good friend
Helpful
Concerned
Nurturing
Dependable
Spiritual
Open to possibilities
Spontaneous
Imperfect
Playful
Tolerant
Beautiful!

The Unmentionabels

Dan and I just had a fantastic night at Vines with the Unmentionables. Half of them are young and both of them are in love. Their young love rekindled the young love in Dan and I. I'm going to miss them!

Riding The Current

Up at 4am with the now familiar feeling of anxiety. This week has been interesting. I haven't been smoking except when I get home from work and after we eat dinner. I have been living in that space of in between. That space of wanting a cigarette and not having one. Riding the current of my nervous energy. I say it has been interesting because I am learning a lot. I am continually fascinated by how much, not matter what age we are, there is to learn. Normally, when I feel that nervous energy, I smoke. Bam! Nervous energy gone, I don't have to think about it, feel it, acknowledge that it is even there. It is erased, a minor blip on my radar. Now, I have to feel that nervous energy. It was really difficult the first time, being totally uncomfortable and doing nothing to make myself fell better. But since that first time, it has diminished considerably. Sometimes, when I feel it, its kind of fun. I literally feel like I am riding a current and it's exciting. All this energy coursing through me as I ask myself what is going on? I am learning, on a really subtle level, how my body reacts to stress. To actually witness the mental and physical process I go through, the things I tell myself, the stories I live by. It's freeing in a way. I feel stronger, because I have survived the uncomfortable energy surge. Because I am getting to know myself better. My instincts are growing stronger and I am learning to trust them. I am learning to not worry so much. It's a conundrum though. On the flip side, I wake at 4 with the familiar feeling of anxiety. My throat actually hurts from the blood coursing through it, there is a ball of fear in my chest, radiating from my shoulders across my chest, around my back, like a perfect circle, my upper body is enclosed in anxiety, it feels like indigestion and I wonder if this is a sign of having a heart attack. My heart is thumping and feel nauseous. I tell myself that it's a process. I can't go from being checked out and distracted to plugged in and focused without some sort of mental detox. I am trying to teach myself healthy ways to calm down. So, I come downstairs, do 90 minutes of Yin Yoga and listen to Pema before making my favorite jasmine green tea, putting on some music to write by and writing. Today, Pema talks about remaining like a log. There are 3 ways to experience something and on a subconscious level we always label our experiences as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Remaining like a log is not about being dead, cold, closed off. It's about being calm. Alive and present in your experiences, not overwhelmed and unconscious. For example, if I experience something pleasant, instead of getting caught up in it and loosing myself, I simply say to myself, pleasant. Now I can experience the actual event with out it being clouded buy my stories of how it should be, how I should react to it and what it means. Its definitely a process, in the immortal words of my all time favorite singer Freddy Mercury "I'm havin a hard time, I'm walkin a fine line between hope and despair, you may think that I don't care. But I've travelled a long road to get a hold of my sorrow. Tried to catch a dream, but nothings what it seems. Love is saying baby it's all right when deep inside you're really petrified..."

All this talking about my nervous energy has aroused it! I was great after the yoga. Dan is getting coffee at Starbuck's on his way back from the hardware store. I have been craving coffee and a cigarette all week. We are getting together with friends (unmentionables) tonight and drinking wine. Dan is still smoking. I think I'll be on the smoking side of that edge today!