Thursday, November 26, 2009
Julie Cobb, I love you!
Dan and I were in the kitchen making the deviled eggs for Thanksgiving lunch. Baxter and Lucy were laying in their customary spot, by the sliding glass door, ready for any food that may come their way. The eggs are from our CSA and because they are so fresh, they are really tricky to peel. So, we were each in our own little world peeling a dozen eggs when my phone rang. It was Julie, and there was joy in her voice. She was happy because dad had called her to wish her a happy thanksgiving. He loves her and she felt that. Her soft southern lilt and gentle laugh warms my heart as she tells me about their conversation. Mom and dad are having a difficult time with our leaving. My dad expresses to her that we can't find common ground. He feels like we are abandoning them, I feel like they don't support us. We've had this conversation before and I thought we had an understanding. Julie takes the risk and tells him she is proud of us. She has known for years that we were unhappy at work and has encouraged us to persue something else. Given that we don't have kids she didn't see any reason for us not to. Dad is scared. He thinks we are going to fail. He thinks we are giving up great jobs and a beautiful home and that this is as good as it gets. Julie reminds him that we are smart, resourceful, have no debt and enough money to insure that we don't run into a desperate situation. He's not having any of it. I express my disappointment, frustration and that it hurts. Julie is my voice of reason, unencumbered by the history of family disagreements and complications. She tells me they love me. They are old school, they feel like you get a good job and you keep it until you die. Finding yourself? Having a dream? Persuing that dream? The unknown? All foreign thoughts to them, sticking in their in their craw prohibitting them from nourishment and growth. She shows me how they love. When they say they are never coming to visit because mom can't fly and then talk about going to Puerto Rico for a family reunion or Spain with my brother and his family, they are trying to tell me I will be missing out on family, asking me to reconsider. In a strange totally disconnected way, I think she is right. Dan doesn't agree, he thinks that they just don't think. Whatever the reason, this is how they love. I will not get words of support from them. They probably won't show up at our going away party. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if no one in my family came, they are all invited. They don't understand what we are doing, to them we are crazy. Julie points out that this is their love; protective, anxious, guilt ridden but it is love. I am so grateful to have her as a friend. She knows me, she knows my family, she knows what she is talking about. We have known eachother for 20 years or so. We have had some tough times, witnessed family interactions; mostly toxic some loving, climbed mountains, went on road trips, lived together, seen boyfriends and husbands come and go, she has 3 boys and is doing a great job of raising them herself. We are living, learning, loving, hurting and becoming wise old women together! Julie Cobb, I love you! Thank you for being such a good friend!