Inspection

The dreary days of winter have already set in. Just like that, it seems fall never came. The leaves on the trees, still green, haven't given us their beautiful color show. Instead, it's snowing and cold. The bleak day doesn't comfort us in the face of our inspection at 2pm today. Dan and I are nervous. We already feel like we are taking a loss selling our home at 250. That is what Karen feels it will appraise at. We decided that it's either 250 or wait another 7 years or so for things to not only bounce back but actually get better. Currently, they take foreclosures and short sales into consideration when appraising a home. For us, that means things are selling for $130.00 a square foot. The appraiser doesn't take into consideration the 8 grand in Brazilian cherry hardwood floors, a 10 thousand dollar fixed awning, the $3400 we just put into carpet, backing to open space. The scary thing is, we could appraise low, lower than what the house is really worth. If the inspector finds something "major", that'll be enough, we'll pull the plug. Wait until the economy picks back up. I mean, there is only so much we are willing to take a hit on! We are selling a great product and nothing is wrong with it. Someone is getting a great deal and it is not us! We are worried they'll say something like the foundation is trashed, it's going to cost 14 thousand dollars to fix it. Of course it isn't, but you know, we're just being paranoid. We'll see, I'm sure it'll be fine.

The pre qualification for the buyers loan expires in mid October so it sounds like a sweet deal may be in our future! Yesterday, we decided we'd stay until mid January. Get through the holidays and dad and mom's 80th birthdays. We thought we'd stay at their house from November until we left, saving a years worth of rent. The good news? The buyer wants to close in mid October, let us stay the rest of October for free, and charge us $300.00 a month until January, when she is ready to come out! How sweet is that?!

So far today, I have not used the patch and not had a smoke. Dan is full on smoking. It makes it really tricky. Today, I feel tired, kinda spacey. Maybe, well...probably, I'll have one tonight when we get home with a drink. Tonight is CSA night, so we have to pick up our goodies, I'm so tired I almost want to eat fast food!

The Beginning of the End

I knocked over a hurdle, got hooked, had a smoke. Well, more than one! Our house is now under contract! We settled for $15,000.00 less than we had listed so 250, but, we'll be lucky if it appraises over 245. We'll still be able to go to Kauai, debt free with a good chunk of change. It's really depressing what the "leaders" of our country (way before Barack came along) have done to the housing market.

So, onto packing and selling and waitin and seein if the deal goes through. Tomorrow is a new day! It'll be smoke free!

Blue Monday

It's dark out. I'm cozy, warm in my bed, the covers pulled up to my chin. The only sound is Lucy snoring. I glance at the clock, 4:30am. Thinking it's too early to get up, I hunker down, burrowing into my blankets. My mind is wide awake. It emphatically tells me that right now would be a great time to do yoga and listen to Pema. I can't argue, it is. I banished Dan to the guest room last night because I didn't fall asleep before his snoring began. He's good like that, just gets up from a dead sleep and trundles over to the other bed. Even if I get out all quiet like and he's snoring away as soon as my body weight is no longer solidly on the bed, he wakes up. He always goes to the other bed. He says its because the dogs sleep with me and there is more room in our bed than the guest bed. I get the dogs in a stay and pad over to the guest room and quietly close the door. Today is our last day off before the work week begins so there is laundry to do and lots of food to cook. Yesterday's lunch and dinner need to be made and frozen. I change the bed sheets and gather the laundry and go down stairs. The clothes separated, waiting for Dan to wake. I lay out my yoga mat, turn on the gas fireplace, open the blinds to let the sunrise in, get my meditation clock ready and put on my head phones. I'm doing Paul Grilley's Yin Yoga routine from his book. I love Yin Yoga because if forces me to slow down and pay attention to what is going on with me. The poses, held for 5 minutes, slowly open my legs, hips and back. When I'm in this still place I am very open and calm, steady in my knowledge that everything is going to be ok. Pema is talking about addiction. She names quite a few; smoking, alcohol, drugs, gossip, anger, jealousy, food. There will always be triggers so she talks about getting hooked. That moment when you know you are turning yourself over to your vice. Blindly letting it take control of you. Even though you know how it will turn out, that moving forward with this deeply embedded pattern will leave you feeling worse, not comforted. She is funny, self deprecating, sharing her tendency towards gossip. She is compassionate and kind, suggesting that we be compassionate and kind to our selves when we can not get unhooked. She offers an example of overcoming our vices, slowly, with patience and grace. When you are on the edge, trying hard not to get seduced by your addiction, breathe deep and stay with the feeling. Stay with the uncomfortable, yucky feeling. Breathe through it, think of someone who is calm or something, like a beloved cat. She says that helps cut right through it. The more you do it, the easier it becomes because you are not fueling the fire. I decide that I am going to try doing that today. Making breakfast, there were several times when I felt that old familiar feeling, luring me into rationalizations of how I could have one puff (they're sitting on the deck), one smoke, just to get me through that one moment. When that happened, I stopped what I was doing. I felt the uncomfortable butterflies going crazy in the pit of my stomach. I felt the overwhelming urge to jump out of my skin. Blood rushing through my carotid artery. Nervous energy coursing wildly through my body. Ants in my pants times 2000! I took a deep breath... And continued on with what I was doing. Humph, maybe this will work. I'm afraid to get excited yet, I mean, I have been trying to quit for 5 years! After my yoga I meditate and say my mantra, set my intention for the day and request that no one come to look at the house today unless they are going to buy it. Dan and I could use some down time! I use up the last of the chili's making a sauce for huevos rancheros and we sit down to the Daily Show while we eat. Back in the kitchen, I get the ratatoullie simmering, I'm also roasting some carrots for a dinner salad tomorrow and brazing some cabbage for a lunch later on. All burners are in use, the kitchen smells fantastic, I feel great. Dan, being an excellent partner in the kitchen is busy washing dishes when his phone rings. He groans, it's the realtor. She says between 10 and noon, he looks at me, at the food cooking, at the clock reading 9:30. I say, YES! Cold, we are sitting outside our house, watching the snow come down on this last day of summer, waiting for them to come and go. Karen called to say we may get a contract on the house today, she wanted to know when we wanted to close, Dan says the end of October. I'm excited, is this proof that the secret works?! I don't know. This means we will be leaving sooner than later. I'm so happy, I'm dancing around. Dan, on the other hand is "nervous". He has been irritated by having to vacate the house twice a day every day this weekend. I keep telling him, that is the way it is right now, we are selling our house. He says he knows and gets tweaked about it anyway. I ask him why he is nervous, he says he just is. That if they sign the contract today then we'll have to start getting ready to move, selling all our stuff and everything. I say yea, isn't that the plan? Are you sure you want to do this? He says yes, he's just nervous. It's a reminder to me of how people choose different ways to handle things. For me, this is a happy time!

It's almost 3, no patch, no ciggie, I feel good! I can do this!

Apple Love!

Dog Days of Summer

We thought today would be relaxing, but, we forget that our home is up for sale! It started out innocuous enough. We woke at around 7 and laid around petting the dogs. I made migas for breakfast while Dan got our wireless headphones working. My plan for the day was to watch some of my shows while breakfast digested and then do some yoga while listening to Pema on my new headphones. I also had a lot of cooking ahead of me, our CSA is providing us with a lot of produce! At 9:30, just as we finished breakfast, and were playing with our new headphones, I got a call from our realtor, someone was coming by between 10 and noon. Ok, quickly clean the house, I can't believe how much stuff gets on these floors after one day! Get dressed, and what do we do for 2 hours? Well, we need to make a grocery run and we could take the dogs to the dog park. I'm lovin the dog park! It's got green grass and loads of dogs. Baxter and Dan played fetch and Baxter got all tuckered out while Lucy hung back and got all lathered up, she doesn't handle heat well. We got back at noon and one of the packets that our realtor left for people who are considering buying was gone. We started with 4 now we have 3. We were still full from breakfast so we skipped lunch. I thought well, I'll chill watch a couple of shows, do some yoga, make the lunch and put it in the freezer and start dinner. About an hour into my lazy slumber, Dan came down (at around 2) and said someone was coming by between 3 and 4. Mmm, to late for yoga, I'll just lay around more. I was watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations show on Montana. I found myself relating to the folks down there. They are all there because of the beauty, doing a lot of odd jobs to make ends meet. No buying two MacBook's or wireless headsets. Just doing what it takes to live there, just to be there. He ended the show with the line "This is a place where people can hear their inner voice, and live by what they hear". That is exactly what Kauai represents to me. I see myself doing all kinds off odd jobs to make ends meet. Cooking, writing, yoga, maybe scuba. So I can live in a beautiful place, hear my inner voice loud and clear, and act on it! Then I watched some Tyler Florence shows. I had no lunch and it was 2, he was making spaghetti and meatballs, Chicken Parmesan, garlic bread and it all looked so good. So, when it was time to go I asked Dan how he felt about having some Italian. Always in a I could eat state of mind, he was game! So off to Johnny Carino's we went. We tried a local Italian joint first but they were closed because they were doing a catering gig. We got some organic wine - I think I'm feeling the effects of all the chemicals in regular wines - (Bonterra Syrah from Mendocino County California) that we really liked (bonus, they let you take what you don't finish, if you order a bottle) and we both got Veal Parmesan. Full and buzzed we ripped off our nicotine patches and headed to the closest gas station. Gack! I haven't had one smoke free day yet! I guess moving inconveniences us more than I thought. Can't stop smoking, eating bad, jeez will we ever be able to do it? BTW, another packet was gone when we got home!

A Sign of the Thymes

Dinner tonight. Dan is using his laptop to make baby artichokes braised in olive oil with thyme and garlic, mine is fired up to make a ceaser salad. Baxter is looking for some tasty tidbit that may have fallen! Is that an empty wine glass in the fore ground?

Here is the after pic, yum! Can you say garlic breath? Maybe ice cream will help!

Getting Organized

Dan got a call today that someone wanted to see the house between 2 and 3pm. I gotta say, so far the worst thing about moving is always having to have the floors swept, dishes and things put away, basically, keeping the house in tip top shape. We went to Costco because I want a new super duper blender that will make my gazpacho as smooth as velvet! Luckily, they didn't have one. They cost $700.00 dolla! But...I also have a grain mill so I can make my own whole wheat flour (I've had a 5 gallon bucket filled with wheat berries for at least 10 years now) when ever I want to make my rosemary whole wheat focaccia, all I have to do is grind up some fresh flour, insuring all the vitamins and minerals and healthy fats are intact. The blender does that, so you see, I'd be downsizing! While we were there Dan got another call that someone wanted to come by between 4 and 5! So, after getting the nifty backpack that you see here for carrying my new MacBook around, we headed for the Apple store. We wanted a protective cover but those are expensive, think we'll be getting gelaskins for 20 dollars less. I'll be getting this one. Instead, we ended up getting Sony bluetooth headsets. See, I was listening to a fantastic book this morning while walking the dogs and then I took a bath and kept listening, I was concerned about the headphone cables, so when Dan just brought it up, it seemed like I needed them!

The book is intended to help me quit smoking. I think it will work once we get the darn things out of the house! Let me back up a bit. Thursday, I got the post for my dental implant. I will not write the gory details for future recollection. That day is basically forgotten and I'd like to keep it that way. The surgery went well and they provided great drugs that kept me in a haze, laid out on my couch all day. The dentist said that if I kept smoking, the implant wouldn't stick. So, why would I want to spend all that money and go through all that pain for nothing? I wouldn't! Needless to say, not smoking on Thursday was a breeze! Friday, I felt a lot better. I only took 1 vicadin, in the morning. But, I was still pretty out of it, maybe the lack of nicotine had something to do with it. So, here is where the hurdle comes in that I was unable to jump. Dan wasn't planning on quitting until Saturday. People were coming by between 1 and 3 to look at the house so, I went grocery shopping (usually a Saturday thing). Not a good idea, cold turkey, on day 2! By the time Dan got home from work, I puffed one down, gleefully! Today, it only got worse. Dan was fine as long as he was upstairs happily doing computer things (he has 3 up there now) as was I listening to my book, but once we had to leave, extreme irritation set in. Dan "forgot" to destroy and throw away the smokes, which upon reflection, probably saved us 5 bucks, so there we were cruising to Costco smokin. We bought some patches. Normally, (we're experts at quitting) we hole up in the house for 3 days, we stay in separate corners and detox alone, no additional stressors. I don't think we are going to be able to do it that way with the house being for sale and everything else. So, tonight we'll finish the pack (can't be wasteful) and it's the patch tomorrow!

Oh yea, couldn't get John's badge to work. Oh well, he created it, he should be the only one using it!