Ah Family!

I really don't want to contaminate this blog with hatred but I need to remember this.

I don't even know where to begin in this crazy mess. I guess I can start at the beginning. In September, Greg, my brother wanted to come over and buy some of the stuff we are selling. I told him I didn't feel comfortable dealing with family, we need to charge fair prices because everything we make is going to support our new lives. He said he understood that and came over in early October. Of course we gave  them and the kids a lot of free stuff, but the total still came to $123.00. After adding it all up, Barb says they forgot the check book. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. Ok, so you are coming over for the sole purpose of buying stuff and you forget your check book. Whatever. But, my brother is a taker. So I was immediately incensed. I decide to give them the benefit of the doubt. We see them 2 days before Thanksgiving and Barb says oh yea, I owe you some money don't I? (Really?) Yes, I say. She asks me how much (Really?) I say $123.00 and she says ok and just sits there. Three days later we are there for Thanksgiving, still no money. Needless to say we are still empty handed. Now, it isn't even about the money anymore. It's the principal of the thing. I feel like they are stealing from me, and why is it that your are a jerk for asking for your own money back? Last night I got sick, running to the bathroom four times to vomit. Dan feels sick too. At any rate, I was laying curled up in a ball, stomach cramping, skin hurting when a voice loud and clear tells me to deal with this. Dan and Deb think I should say something, I don't want to. I know it will be futile, it's a lose/lose situation whenever I try to tell my family something they don't want to hear. They get mad, turn it around on me and I just end up feeling worse. One day I vented to dad, he said he understood and wanted to fix it. He would give us the money. I told him that wasn't the point, I didn't feel like he needed to pay Greg's debts, it's the entitlement, the fact that he is basically stealing. So, this morning I sent him this text (yes, text, the older I get the less I want to argue) I warn you, it gets graphic, it escalated really quick.

From Marta to Greg and Barb: I want my money this Friday. I don't want to have to ask for it, I don't want it to be a big deal, just walk up to me and give me my money. Otherwise I will consider it stealing. What kind of people steal from family? No one with any honor, no one in my family.

Greg: I have no fucking idea what you are talking about and you better get off the crack you are smoking. You should learn what family is because you sure have no idea how to treat them. If this is over that 100 plus dollars that I thought Barb gave you no problem you can have but don't ever worry about seeing us again. Your text is nothing but pure rude. Have a nice life.

Marta: (trust me, I know this is childish and it only gets worse) How convenient that you don't know if you bills are paid or not. What is rude is stealing from your own family. I have not seen any of the money or heard anything about paying it. It isn't even about the money anymore, it's about family stealing from family. I guess we'll put the kids cards in the mail (we always give them money) , have anise life.

Greg: Man you got some balls for a woman. The kids need nothing from you anymore. Stealing is when someone does something on purpose. We did not. Barb was intending on giving you the money last time you were here but you left without giving anyone a chance to react or say goodbye. I do not pay my bills Barb does. I travel providing a living for my family not worrying about the bills. You're so simple minded. I sure hope you won't need any help if you fail in Hawaii because we will not be available.

Dan: This is Dan. Ok you sexist ass, insulting a woman is so mature. Grow up and get some therapy you angry clueless idiot. Marta tried to say goodbye but Barb was more worried about watching Tv to even respond. And ask for help from you? What would ever be the point? According to you and your bitching, you're broke and have no money. Oh wait, your business is doing swell. Get over yourself. And you should think about stopping taking from your parents and consider paying them back. You seem to take from your family really well, but paying for what you got, doesn't happen. Pathetic. And Marta reminded Barb about the money you owe us. She said oh yea, how much? Marta told her $123.00 Then Barb says ok and just sat there. Nothing about going and getting it or anything. That was when we were there with AK. We saw you again 3 days later. Nothing. I don't need the money. It's the fact that you came into my house and took things with out paying for them. That's called theft. You have had ample opportunity to make this right, but instead you are going to be the angry child and end the relationship with your sister. Your parents know all about this and have offered to pay your bills yet again. We said no because we assumed that Greg is a big boy, and can pay his own way, guess not.

Greg: man you two are perfect for each other. Who is the idiot ruining a relationship over $120.00 (you) Ally you had to say was maybe you forgot or something but could you have the money when we come over Friday? You would have got the check that has been sitting here for three fucking weeks. But I guess your extremely smart way of threatening and insulting people is much easier for you two. I have been on the road almost everyday since Thanksgiving. I assumed that my wife had sent the check but she did not. easy solution ask a question but don't threaten but I guess in your life treating people like shit gets your point across and makes you feel better. And as for mom and dad i am not the one running away, yes he helped mw while I took a risk and started a company. And yes I am repaying him by building an extra wing on my new house so they don't have to go to a nursing home, what are you doing? Oh yea, breaking his heart be ruining a brother relationship and moving to Hawaii.

Marta: You are right, you are such a straight up and noble person. I am just the asshole who has to consistently ask for her money back. I thought you didn't know it didn't get paid, now you know it has been sitting around for three weeks? And believe me you have taken a lot from dad, he has paid your bills. Gee what a great supportive family everyone else matters but me! My dreams? My money? only your petty guilt trips and anger hum, thanks for making it easy to leave!

Greg: Women who throw rocks in a glass house. All the things mom and dad did for you when you were struggling (I moved back in for 1 year after a bad relationship to pay off the debt I let him get me into) and then have an opinion on them helping others? Wow! Yes they helped me when we were struggling. parents tend to do that something you have no clue about. Don't judge me with your pathetic, small minded views on life. I owe a great deal to my parents and when I make more than my bills they will be paid. Just because my company is doing good does not mean more money for me. It takes a lo to run a company and the owners are not the ones making the money while it grows. If you ever get your own going you will find that out. I have a debt with my dad that will be paid back with interest. I need not explain myself to you or anyone. Your pissy ass views on life show how you treat people. I'm glad we made it easy but we are not the ones who care. Have you hugged your dad at all while he is crying from a broken heart about you leaving? I bet no since its all about you and your perfect judging everyone world. Keep living your perfect dream and just maybe the rest of the world can grow up and be as perfect as you two.

Barb: Wow. it's in the mail.

I admit my initial text was inflammatory. I have only excuses, I was tired of asking for my money, there is a lot of history with them taking, I'm sick and stressed. I think Greg's reaction is extremely over the top and exemplifies why I didn't want to do it in the first place. The thing is, it doesn't hurt anymore. I don't care anymore.

Coalescence

It's only noon and today is already a fantastic day! Dan is giddy right now because two huge pressures have been alleviated. The paper work and money ($290.00) for the dogs is on it's way to the Department of Agriculture in Hawaii. It needs to be in the mail 30 days before we get to Kauai. Yesterday, he went off to the bank to get a certified check and then to the post office to mail the 1/4" thick worth of paper work they require.

Just now, he got a call from the realtor Jimmy Johnson in Kauai. Jimmy, a surfer, has all the information he needs so the place is ours! All that's left to do is sign the lease and wire him the money. If he has the information for us, we'll be doing that tomorrow. After my dentist appointment (for the implant), seeing Avatar (on the IMAX screen), buying a new HD camera, and having our name (not the banks) put on the title for the jeep.

We met Brenda (former Sr. Manager of Marketing at work) at Crowfoot Coffee, a local coffee joint, this morning. The Christmas lights and decorations created a magical setting as we sat down to breakfast burritos and coffee. Me, I can't resist the calorie laden egg nog lattes this time of year. It was energizing to be with her. She is running her own business ("As broadly experienced writers, Bloomery Forge crafts the hand-forged tools – concepts, copy and content – that will make your project sing. Because we know the language of developers, agencies, art directors, photographers, and designers as well as the words that move consumers, we think you'll also find the process as easy as it is successful. Living and working abroad – in Berlin, London, Oxford, Oslo, Singapore, Hong Kong, and Auckland, NZ – as well as the major cities of these fine United States, has been the perfect preparation for our feature articles. Our lifestyle stories have covered everything from the fine fit and finish of a luxurious residence to eco-adventures in St. Lucia") and loving it. She says she doesn't make as much as she used to but the trade off is more life. She is happier, doing things she loves, spending more time doing what she is passionate about. She is working on a project for an old colleague writing about luxury resort homes in the Caribbean. Her eyes light up as she tells us she had to go to the Caribbean to do research! She is singing my tune! More Life, Less stuff! Passion and magic infiltrate the day. Turns out, early on in her career she was doing a documentary on a couple (the first in modern times to build a traditional Polynesian log canoe and sail it across an ocean), Bob and Nancy Griffith (mentioned here) who owned a sail boat and were circumnavigating the globe. As payment they took her on a journey sailing from California to Oahu, over to Kauai and finishing on the Big Island. She brought a book with her that the couple wrote, Blue Water: A Guide to Self-Reliant Sailboat Cruising. Animatedly, she tells of her adventure, joyful, like the young woman she once was, I can see her, going back in time, to life on the ocean. It changed her. Her friend Nancy, now nearing 76, owns an organic Kona coffee farm on the Big Island called A'ama Farms. I leave feeling like I wish I had spent more time with her. I had no idea I had such a treasure of a friend. Her experience, wisdom and joy are inspiring, uplifting. She left some of her joy with me, for which I am truly grateful.

Conversations With Strangers

I'm feeling the aloha spirit all the way down here in chilly Colorado! Hadley, Shane's girlfriend, happens to know some folks in Kauai! So, she talked to them for us and here is the conversation, via email that we've had

Date: Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:42:37 -0700
Subject: Hadley's friend
From: Marta
To: Summer

Aloha!

I am Hadley's friend who is moving to Kauai. Hadley says you are moving back to Hawaii on Saturday and that you grew up there. How cool! My husband and I are moving in January, we will be there on the 22nd. If you have time I would love to talk story with you. We can use any tips, tricks, suggestions and friends that we can get!

Mahalo

Marta

P.S. Good luck on your finals

Aloha Marta :)

Wow, how exciting, moving out here to Kauai! I'm moving from here to Ohio...tomorrow, lol -- to my husband's hometown. I am definitely going to freeze! I wish I could be here when you guys got here to help you get situated and all, but I can put you in touch with my family (if you'd like) so that you have someone here on island that you can call if you'd like to meet people and check out the island scene local style. Out of curiosity, why the move to Kauai? And what part of the island are you planning on living in? That will help me give you some more info.

I'm from the east side, a town called Anahola. It's past Kapa'a town on the way to the north shore. Oh and feel free to check out this site, anaholavillage.com and take a look at the "Samples" section for some great pictures. My mom just wrote a book about our town and she's a great resource to have when you move...she knows a lot of people and can give you some good island-living advice while you're here. I'd love to give you a call but probably won't be able to sit down and have a good conversation until after this weekend...hope that's okay! Maybe you'll get Hadley to come out and visit you guys sometime :) The last time I saw her was in 1999, I think, we ran into each other at the Women's World Cup in California...it's crazy, that was 10 years ago, time flies! I will definitely be in touch. If you ever have questions, feel free to ask anytime!

Take care,

Summer

I thought I'd start a conversation with Sonja's friend I met on face book at it goes like this

Marta Lane December 19 at 6:52am

I maybe be crossing a boundary and if I am, completely disregard the fact that I ever asked you this question. I need a favor. If you are anywhere near Kapa'a, we'd love it if you could check out a house for us. We are kind of in a bind. We will be renting something sight unseen which we are ok with as long as we have a contingency that if we don't like it we can move out at the end of the month. We get there January 22nd, so it would make it kind of tight if we had to do that. They guy renting to us doesn't know us from Adam so he's nervous that we'll leave him in a lurch, even though we are willing to pay for a full years rent. If you have the time, inclination and are in the area it would be great if you could check it out for us. When we get there we could give you $25.00 for your time and gas or better, take you out to dinner and or drinks, we'd love to meet you anyway. Let me know either way, what ever you decide is perfectly fine, no hard feelings, I know I am asking a lot!

Roddy Tabatabai December 19 at 10:05am

ya no worries... I have a pretty tight schedule for the next couple of weeks... But I have a question and I hope Im not overstepping my boundary... But why are you moving to Kapaa???? You want to be on the North side which is the best side hands down.... There are a lot of great places that are pretty cheap in both Hanalei and Kilauea.... probably even Princeville...
After this week is up I can go check that out for you... just send me the adress and I should be able to find it... Take care
Roddy

Marta Lane December 19 at 10:36am

Thanks man!! You goof! We chose Kapaa because we found a place on craigslist 1 bedroom 1 bath, utilities, yard service for $808 a month. It's a "cottage" on 1.5 acres, 2 miles from the beach, with 2 other small cottages on it, and they take dogs! Seems like a pretty excellent deal. We only look on craigslist. The north shore would be great but we haven't seen anything in our budget, which is max $1200.00 a month. If you know of any place up on the north shore we'd love to hear about it. It's us and our 2 dogs. The address is

5911 Kaapuni Road, unit 3
Kapaa 96746-8201

Dan (my hubby) isn't how right now but I can send you the number for Jimmy Johnson, he's the realtor. You can call for lock box number.

Thanks again! happy holidays!

I only hope I can pay it forward! How cool are these guys? Willing to help out someone that they've never met! What luck!

---

Details

Well, it's getting more real everyday. We have 6 days of work left, maybe 7 if they don't give us the half days for Christmas and New Years off. The plan is to rent a U-Haul on the 14th of January, fill it up with everything we don't want and take it to the Goodwill. We'll go back home and load up everything we are taking, say goodbye to the house and stay over at mom and dads. We will drive out to LA on the 15th, we plan on pulling into Hollywood the 16th. On the 18th we load up the cargo and jeep and head down to Winchester to stay with my friend for a couple of days. On the 22nd, at 1:30 in the afternoon, we leave for Kauai. We found a really cute place and are waiting for the background check to clear, as soon as we are cleared we will wire him the rent and deposit, once they get the money ($1600.00) it'll be ours! I'm really excited. It is so cute and perfect for us. We won't get to Kauai until 6:30 or so and we'll have to deal with the dogs getting checked out, luggage and car rental, so we may be sleeping on the floor the first night! Here is the ad

One bedroom / one bath “cottage in the sky” with full kitchen. A free standing one bedroom with full kitchen cottage in the sky on shared one acre. If you are looking for a quiet location, fruit trees, in upper Kapahi then this might be it. Modern, clean and good to go! The neighbors value the privacy that this property offers, so please do not drive by without calling first. Yard service, electric, water and aloha included. Only $808 / month

They replaced the mini fridge with a full size one.

Here is a rundown of the costs so far.

Airline tickets for Dan and I from California to Kauai $1000.00, we are flying direct so the dogs don't have to deal with layovers.

Dogs, $400.00 in vet bills getting them ready so they don't have to be quarantined. The Department of Agriculture wants $145.00 per dog for processing fees. The Humane Society of Kauai wants $200.00 per dog to come to the airport and clear them. $250.00 each for air fare. $100.00 for crates we will probably never use again.

2 Hotel nights while in California $107.00. Car rental for 4 days $573.00.

400 cubic foot (imagine a jeep wrangler squared off) cargo container $2800.00, $1055.00 to ship the jeep.

About $200.00 for the U-Haul.

Whew! Not including rent and 2 weeks of car rental in Kauai (until our stuff gets there) the grand total is $7,425.00!!!

Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau'oli Makahiki Hou

• Mele Kalikimaka - Merry Christmas. The words "Mele Kalikimaka" are a phonetic translation. When the missionaries and other Westerners first brought the custom of Christmas to the islands the Hawaiians had difficulty pronouncing Merry Christmas and turned it into words that rolled more easily off their tongues.
  
  
• Hau'oli Makahiki Hou - Happy New Year. The western Christmas and New Year fell during this same time of the year that the Hawaiians traditionally honored the earth for giving them plenty to eat. This period of resting and feasting was called Makahiki (mah-kah-HEE- kee). It lasted for 4 months, and no wars or conflicts were allowed during this time. Because makahiki also means "year", the Hawaiian phrase for "Happy New Year" became "Hau'oli (happy) Makahiki (year) Hou (new)"(how-OH-lee mah-kah-hee-kee ho).
• Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau'oli Makahiki Hou - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
• From Go Hawaii

How to Celebrate Christmas in Hawaii

Things You'll Need:

• Kalua Pigs
• Steel Guitars
• Hawaiian Cookbooks
• Leis
• Christmas Tapes Or CDs

1. Step1

   Purchase gifts for just about everyone you know. Hawaiians seem to be more generous than most people at Christmastime. It's a tradition to make sure that everyone is included.

2. Step2

   Attend church on Christmas morning, if that's an important part of your religious tradition.

3. Step3

   Plan a luau, which is an outdoor meal that consists of a kalua pig roasted in an "imu," or underground oven.

4. Step4

   Make Christmas leis for family and friends to wear.

5. Step5

   Enjoy the sounds of the Christmas bells, which are played on a steel guitar.

6. Step6

   Expect Menehune Santa to arrive with presents in his Christmas tree boat, or red canoe, dressed for the weather in shorts and Hawaiian shirt. His elves are said to paddle the boat to shore.

7. Step7

   Bake traditional Christmas treats, such as sweet potato cheesecake with "haupia," or coconut, frosting.

8. Step8

   Listen to Hawaiian Christmas songs like "Po La'i E" or "Silent Night."

   
   

   From how

   
   

   We'll be going Hawaiian style next year!! For now, we are riding the cold storm out!

Farewell Party

Saturday night Bill and Carol threw us a heartfelt, fantastic party. They were gracious enough to not put a limit on how many people we could invite, as a result about 100 people showed up. They spent a lot of time, thought and energy getting the house ready, in fact, when we got there they were so busy with last minute details, they hadn't taken showers yet! Carol quickly filled me in on what needed to be done and went up to clean up!

Deb, who gave us the gift of designated driver

was helping me when Goldie and Mitch showed up. Goldie quickly saw what needed to be done and jumped right in to help out.

Bill and Carol had decorated the house in a Christmas/Hawaiian theme. As you came into the warmth of the house, an aloha sign greeted everyone at the front door. There were lei's for all and they got really pretty ones for Dan and I. Sean and his wife Jen also brought us some nice ones. The food table had a grass skirt around it and real pineapples for decoration. Outside on the deck (lanai in Hawaiian) was a blow up palm tree with a kiddie pool like base that held ice and beer. Christmas lights were on the lanai as well as in the house, along with a beautiful Christmas tree. The garage was cleaned up and outfitted with a space heater and the staple ping pong table was ready for games. With plenty of food, music (Dan and I made a playlist on our Ipod) and people everywhere, everyone was in high spirits. It was so crowded that it took forever to get from one side of the kitchen to the other! We were humbled by the turn out and a realization sank in that we are leaving behind a lot of good friends. We are so grateful for the people in our lives. Generally you don't know how you impact people but there were so many warm wishes, thoughtful admissions about our relationships, declarations of how we inspire both by living our dream and by the obvious love between us, that we were hit to our core.

In fact Megan brought tears to Dan's eyes as she told him how much he would be missed and what an inspiration he is. She came by me later and told me the same thing. I was struck by two things, how well she picked the words to describe how she felt, what she said was really beautiful (unfortunately, I can't recall it, just the emotion she left me with) and how hard it was for me to accept. I don't feel worthy of all the accolades!

Bill and carol had their daughter Katie design a card for everyone to sign. So much warmth and love, it makes me realize how lucky we have been to have such great people in our lives!

Just beautiful!!

A "Conversation" with Gracie

Today is the day after the going away party Bill and Carol threw for us. I will post about that in a different post because it was full of friendship, love and joy, this one is not. Like I predicted, no one from my family came to our going away party. It made me sad because a lot of people came to send us off and I wanted my family to be there. Not only to share in the joy we felt from everyone but so they could meet some of our friends

I'm blogging this incase I start to miss my family, this will be a reminder. We got to bed around 3am last night. Deb had taken us to and from the party because she knew we would be drinking and wanted to make sure we would be safe. This morning we woke up around 9 and I made German apple pancakes breakfast. Deb bought us a book for our new Kindle's for us to read on our trip and gave me a little clip on light. We looked at last nights pictures and enjoyed each others company.

Today is Paige's birthday and they are having a party for her. I told dad yesterday that we wouldn't be going to Paige's party because we'd probably be out late. After Deb left we were watching TV, in and out of sleep, when I got a text from Gracie.

Gracie: Hey when u comin over

Marta: We aren't going to be able to come over today honey tell Paige happy birthday for us

Gracie: r u drunk see u in 5 years

Marta: Why are you being so rude? Why would you say something so mean?

Gracie: Well u r not common to Paige's b day

Marta: You didn't come to our going away party and I'm not being mean to you

Gracie: Well we were making christmas cookies at my grandmas

Marta: I guess we all have our good reasons

Gracie: Sorry we had 200 cookies to bake and yes u r see you in 5 years I guess

Marta: I guess we won't come over for Christmas then.

Gracie: Well if you can't make it here than how could u make it to Christmas but I guess I will still love you

I'm flaming pissed right now. Really? I imagine my folks over there feeding this nonsense to everyone. I don't even want to say how I really feel about this whole thing and now they are putting the kids in the middle. Dan already doesn't want to go over there for Christmas, but the whole reason we are delaying our move is to spend the holidays with my family. It makes me wonder why I want to do this. Oh yea, Guilt.

Gracie: I guess I am sorry totally sorry

Marta: It's ok honey, I know you just want us to come over. I know you are just responding to what the adults in your life are saying. We love you, we love all of you and just because we can't come over today doesn't mean we don't and it doesn't mean we won't see you till 5 years from now.

My family has a great way of making me feel like an ass!