Another Early Morning

4:44am. Everyone is dead asleep except me. Dan is all snuggled up in the down comforter, Baxter and Lucy, along my right side, take up half the bed. I sit up and Dan rolls over and looks at me, looks at the clock and rolls back over to sleep. I get out of bed, get my things and pad downstairs. It snowed a lot over night, looks like 4 inches or so. I will not miss the snow.

Brian added some color to the logos so I'll put them up again. I like #2 now.



This week started out kinda rough. The anxiety of selling the house and quitting our jobs really affected me physically, plus, I was beginning to wonder if we were crazy. I was still sick Tuesday morning but I didn't want to call in and have my co workers think I was slacking because I was a short timer. Rich thought I should go home anyway but as the day wore on I started feeling better. By the end of yesterday I was literally buzzing with excitement. The Kauai vibe is getting stronger and its a lot of fun riding it! As of last night I felt like it couldn't be any other way. People keep saying what we are doing takes a lot of courage, and, I agreed Tuesday but now it just feels right. Not extraordinary, not courageous, just right. Some people are right along with us, getting wrapped up in the excitement of it all and then it just increases.

The editors are jostling for our shifts. They make comments like "I told management I want off my shift". Some have been there a long time, over 10 years, working split shifts or weekends. The assistant editors and Seth our excellent tape op are hoping something happens for them. It's fun knowing that by our leaving, some people will get what they want. New blood will flow through those hardened arteries! Or not. Our director came to my edit bay yesterday. He told me it was bittersweet for him. He'll miss me and my "extensive knowledge" but moving to Kauai, wow! He said he'd counter offer if he thought he could compete with paradise. There was a pregnant pause and I said yea, you can't compete with paradise! It seems we are appreciated!

We are starting to sell some of our stuff. The tower computers are gone, Bryan wants to buy my Cerwin Vega speakers and our Dennon 7 disk CD changer. I found a lady on Craigslist who wants to buy our temperpedic pillows, Dan found someone who wants to buy ALL of our CD's, DVD's and books, there must be 4000 in all! Vendria, that cute little mother to be, is buying my office chair. Kelly, the new marketing producer, may buy our book shelves. My brother not only offered storage room but is going to come by and see if him and his wife want to buy anything. Porter is interested in our big screen. The car still hasn't sold yet. Dan has been talking about web design, he knows someone who does it and is turning away work. He told Dan if he can get up to speed, he'll give him some work. It's all coming together like Dyanne said!

Hawaiian Dreamin

Feeling much better this morning, I think I'm about half way there. At 5:30, my eyes popped open and I started thinking about packing up the china cabinet and the platters and stuff above the fireplace. I tried to stay in bed, it was warm. A California king with a fluffy, down comforter. I'm gonna miss that bed! Lucy was snoring away right next to me and Baxter was on the floor. Then I started thinking about how to sell all of this stuff. Flyers? An ad on Face Book? I don't want to put in ad in the paper cuz the only person I know who reads them is my dad. I could put a flyer on the mailboxes. When is a good time to sell the bed? I want to sleep on it as long as I can but I also want to sell it. I noticed my breathing was heavier, thinking about packing all that stuff and wondering if we were going to have space for it in our new place, so I got up and took a shower. The hot water felt soothing running down my weak body, almost invigorating. I think I blew my wad though because now I feel tired and weak again, pressure enveloping my head and my throat feels swollen. I guess I'll spend another day on the couch napping and watching my shows. I got a pie pumpkin from the CSA this week so I'm going to make a pumpkin pie with it. Tofu and veggies for breakfast, a brie panini with apple salsa for lunch and roasted acorn squash with a corn custard baked into the middle for dinner. That's all I have planned for today.

I was feeling so yucky Friday and yesterday that I couldn't really appreciate all of the support we got. Most everyone at work was of course surprised (they probably thought we were gong to die there!) but once that wore off, they were really happy for us. Dan and I posted on Face Book and we got loads of supportive comments. Several friends called (even ol' Smally) to get the details and offer support. Dara, your words really meant a lot. I felt fortified after our conversation and glad to have you as a friend. You really get the reason and motive behind all of this.

We are in the garage, having a morning smoke, watching the sunrise and on our laptops. Dan is checking out what is going on this morning in Kauai and saw this picture.





Those are some huge mushrooms! Things sure do grow down there! I'm hoping we find a place where I can plant some things. Our realtor set us up with a realtor in Kauai (she checked them out real good) and they are going to find us a rental when we get closer to moving out there.

He also found this.



That just makes me happy! Brian designed some logos for me and I'm having a hard time picking one. Maybe the handful of you guys who read this can help me, I like them all! Post a comment as to your favorite. I'm thinking I want some color in it regardless, but maybe he'll get to that once I pick one. Thank you Brian! They are all fantastic!

Feeling Sick

Hope I don't have the swine flu!

The End of an Era

When I got up this morning there was a song by the Smashing Pumpkins going through my mind "Today is the greatest day I've ever known'. I was giddy, thinking today is the day I get to quit my job. Dan and I anxiously waited for my boss to come in (his was already here) but he was sick. So, I told my other boss. We basically whipped out our resignation letter and waited for them to read it. At first they were stunned. They asked us what we were going to do and we said move to Kauai. Do you have a job? A place to stay? Dan says no, were going to look for open doors. They were really happy for us, gave us hugs and everything! Right now, I am exhausted. The energy expended today on talking about it leaves me longing for a nap. Dyanne suggested celebrating at lunch and some warm sake later, I have laid off my spots and finished for the day. It's only 3:00 and I am pooped! In a great way though!

It's closing time!

We are standing in front of the title company, smoking the last 10 minutes away. Curiously, we are not as anxious as we were Tuesday. Dan is checking the weather in Kauai on his iPhone (upper 80's all week) and setting favorites across Kauai. Hanalei, Kapaa, Poipu, Koloa, Hanapepe, and Waimea. Looks like it's warmer on the north shore this week. Time to do this thing...




Dan signing papers, the title lady, our realtor Karen and the buyer's realtor David.

The whole process took 35 minutes. Turns out David used to live on the Big Island, so about a third of the time he was giving us helpful tips.

How do we feel? Dan: mixed, relived that the process is over, scared "Holy cow! This is happening" but happy because this is happening! Me? Even though my palms are sweaty and my stomach is churning, I'm kinda flatlining. I am very surly supressing. I am really looking forward to going and it was great that David talked about it so extensively (did you know if you work over 20 hours a week for a company in Hawaii, you get health insurance?) it reminded me of why we are going. But it's still a ways off. As of now, we are renters. Signed the lease for $1.00 and we will leave her one of the lazy boys, the grill, extention ladder, dining set and a lamp. We get to stay until January 10th, 2010.


Tomorrow morning we turn in our resignations!

From Seth Godin's Blog

Thanks again to John, this was in my inbox this morning, just what I needed!

Apparent risk and actual risk
There are people who I will never encounter in a restaurant.

That's because when these people go out for dinner, they go to chain restaurants. These are the tourists in New York who seek out the familiar Olive Garden instead of walking down the street to Pure.

That's fine. It's a personal choice.

But it got me thinking about the difference between apparent and actual risk, and how that choice affects just about everything we do.

The concierge at a fancy hotel spends her time helping tourists and business travelers avoid apparent risk. She'll book the boring, defensible, consistent tour, not the crazy guy who's actually a trained architect and a dissident. She'll recommend the restaurant from Zagats, not from Chowhound.

Apparent risk is what keeps someone working at a big company, even if it's doing layoffs. It feels safer to stay there than to do the (apparently) insanely risky thing and start a new venture.

Apparent risk is what gets someone who is afraid of plane crashes to drive, even though driving is more dangerous.

Apparent risk is avoiding the chance that people will laugh at you and instead backing yourself into the very real possibility that you're going to become obsolete or irrelevant.

When things get interesting is when the apparently risky is demonstrably [less safe] than the actually risky. That's when we sometimes become uncomfortable enough with our reliance on the apparent to focus on the actual. Think about that the next time they make you take off your shoes at the airport.

Nerves, Nerves, Nerves!

I get up at 5am to do my yoga and I notice my mind is all over the place. Throughout my practice I am reminding myself to come back to the present. I don't even remember what I was thinking about, a lot of random thoughts. Usually, by the time I am done with my practice, I am calm and centered. Not today. I got upstairs and my mind turns on me. I have been backsliding on smoking am I'm really starting to feel it in my lungs so I decide today I won't smoke, I'll wear a patch instead. I am fully aware that this is a big week. Thursday, we will no longer own our home. Friday, we will be giving up our safe jobs that we've had for over a decade. My resolute determination is wavering, falling to the background. I barely remember why we are doing this as I think about how this will make or break us. Will we remain together? Is he going to tell me he's gay and leave me? I have no doubt that Dan is not gay, but my mind plays back all the Oprah shows where women are talking about their husbands leaving them for another man. I get out of the shower and put the patch on and feel better. Those thoughts leave me while Dan and I quietly get ready for work. I go downstairs to start breakfast, my stomach churning, and Dan joins me moments later. Still, we are lost in our thoughts, saying nothing, going about our work morning routine. Finally, I say I'm freaking out and he says he is too. He says we will no longer own a home or have reliable jobs, jobs we've had for a long time. I ask if we are going to make it? Will you tell me you are gay or something? He laughs, says he has no doubt we'll make it. I ask him for a hug and to tell me that everything is going to be alright. He gladly and lovingly obliges. He says I'm crazy if I think I can quit today or this week for that matter. I take off my patch and we go out for a smoke.